


somewhere between

by pineovercoat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (in a handwavey sort of way), (of a sort), Be Careful What You Wish For, Childhood Friends, Crushes, Dreams and Nightmares, Fate & Destiny, Fluff and Angst, Force Visions, Gen, M/M, Pre-Canon, Soulmates, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 16:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13884492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineovercoat/pseuds/pineovercoat
Summary: When a wish is spoken, it's given life. It has space to take root and grow.The future is far, far away, and some things are better left unsaid.





	somewhere between

**Author's Note:**

> update 8/26: editing, will upd8 soon
> 
> hey I love hurting my own feelings?
> 
> there's a passing mention of underage drinking, but nothing that's enough to merit a tag I think? and exploration of what comes with Snoke being a presence in Ben's life- unsure exactly of how to tag that, but there it is.

"I heard something once," Poe began, with a storyteller's spell in his voice, one lazy evening after a lazy day spent picking their way through koyo melon vines and tree roots and the humid air. There was a sly, contented smile warming his face, despite the sheen of sweat over his skin. "They say that if you share something with someone you care about beneath a Force-sensitive tree, your fates will be entwined forever."

"You're making that up," Ben accused. Hair fell into his eyes, damp and tangled, and he shoved it back from his face with an annoyed sniff. He'd been growing it out over the summer, and even though the muggy heat of Yavin4 was doing its best to give him second thoughts about forgoing haircuts, he was stubbornly determined to see it through. He was old enough now to notice he hadn't managed to grow into his ears, and probably never would, and self conscious enough to want to hide the things he wasn't proud of.

"It's true!" Poe insisted, resting against the bark. His hair was pushed up and away from his face, curling in wild spirals around his ears, his sleeves rolled up, creased at the elbows- every inch of him was casual, careless, unthinking. He occupied space without thought or pretense- it was something Ben couldn't help but notice, now that they were older, and it made him feel like his skin was constricting around him, his face and his entire chest warm with something like embarrassment.

"I haven't heard that in _any_ of Luke's lessons," Ben frowned, crossing his arms as tight as he could manage while also cradling a koyo melon. They'd chosen the tree as the perfect place for a rest before dragging themselves inside for dinner- Luke Skywalker and Kes Dameron were inside, not too far away, somehow _still_ talking over cups of caf, and Ben far preferred Poe's easy company over the searching stares and concerned tones that came with speaking to the 'adults'.

"That's because it isn't in your lessons- my mom told me!" Poe said proudly, twining his fingers together and folding them behind his head. He looked up to the sky, the huge shape of Yavin looming over them, and smiled. "Master Skywalker might be brave and wise," he said, "but he's not my mom." A satisfied, knowing little twinkle lit his eyes- he hadn't quite perfected his wink yet, and in fact he looked a little stupid, blinking and tossing his head like that, but then, maybe Ben was a little stupid too, because it still made his ears go pink and hot. Balancing the koyo in the crook of one elbow, he shoved his hair back again, hoping Poe hadn't noticed.

Oblivious to Ben's struggle, Poe dropped his arms and leaned forward to whisper, like he was sharing a secret, or sacrilege, even though Ben had heard the story a thousand times, knew it backwards and forwards, probably even better than he knew the Jedi Code. "He wouldn't have even gotten this tree without her, so there."

"It's still ridiculous," Ben said firmly, stubbornly fighting to retain any of his dignity. He frowned down at the fruit in his arms, wondering how to go about splitting it, and Poe sidled over to pluck it from him, producing a small blade from his belt. He carved it quickly and efficiently, handing Ben half, still in its skin, sliced so that he could pick squares out of it, neat as you please. Ben accepted it carefully, plucking out a single piece and brushing seeds off its surface. "You have lunch out here with your dad all the time- you'd know if it worked."

Poe cut him a look, amused and exasperated. "He's my _dad_ , Ben. Fate already had its say there- tree or no tree."

Ben snorted- fair enough. He knew all about that, son of Han Solo and Princess Leia herself, nephew of _the_ Luke Skywalker, heir to too many things, wanting exactly none of them.

"So," Poe said, wiping the blade clean on his pants leg, cutting through his thoughts, "-you wanna?"

Ben froze. "...what?"

"Share," Poe said, pointing between their slices of fruit with his blade, the flat of it glinting red in the dying light.

A breath caught in his throat, his heart pounding, and only his pride kept him from blurting out - _with me?_

Poe stowed the blade again and picked out his own square, flicking seeds away with squinted eyes. His lashes fell thick and dark over them, nearly black in the shade. Ben’s brain felt clunky, jammed- like he’d forgotten some important switch, and the S-foils wouldn’t unlock.

He said it anyway.

“...with me?”

“‘Course,” Poe said, his shoulders lifting. “Who else?”

If his face wasn’t on fire before, it was sure to be now. He could almost hear Poe’s teasing- _Ben, I think there’s smoke coming out of your ears-_ _is that something they’re teaching at Jedi school, now? The Force is wild, man-_ best to head it off at the pass. He swallowed roughly, then reached out, holding his piece out to Poe, who glanced down at his hand with a furrowed brow.

"What, are we toasting now?" he teased. "It's not a drink, though we could sneak some wine and leave the pieces to soak-"

Ben shook his head. "Forever?" he asked, looking Poe in the eyes. That was something new- he'd shot up over the past few months, and was as tall as Poe now. He'd probably grow even taller still, if his dad’s height was any indication- what would it be like, looking down on Poe? The thought nearly knocked the wind out of him. He suddenly felt impossibly older, as though the years, compressed, were flying by him, catching up, bringing him to the brink of- _something._

Poe blinked once, then held himself still. "Forever," he echoed, his lips thinning as he pressed a hand over his heart. "Right here- always connected in the Force." His face was solemn; Poe wasn't often prone to melancholy. His head and his heart were always with the stars, soaring somewhere higher, above any of Ben's cares, and high above any darkness. Ben knew they were elsewhere now, with thoughts of Shara Bey, and he couldn't help but notice how bright Poe's eyes were shining.

_We've shared plenty of things here already_ , a part of Ben wanted to argue, but it felt silly to be picking fights about family and fate and the Force and slices of fruit, especially when it seemed like what Poe was really saying was that he wanted him around- indefinitely. It made something in his chest hurt, and he had to fight the way his throat tightened, thinking of all the times he'd broken something after a nightmare, of all the whispered conversations had in other rooms, where they thought he wouldn't hear, of being sent away to train with Luke- who would be left, after he proved to be too much for him too? Nothing in his life was so sure, so permanent, nothing but his nightmares and the Force itself.

It was a big promise, forever.

"Ben?" Poe said, his voice tentative, an offered hand in the quiet of the twilight. "We don't have to if you don't want to, it's not a big thing- it's just a silly story."

"No," Ben shook his head again. "That's not-"

Now he was the one who was being ridiculous. This wasn't any different than that one time they'd sliced their palms and shook hands- blood brothers, Poe had said- or any one of the other ridiculous things they'd done in an effort to while away the hours while their parents talked. Why was he making such a big thing of it? What was he so afraid of? He set his shoulders, firmly shoring up his resolve. It was just another kid's game, and eating koyo melon was hardly as painful or stupid as cutting his hand on purpose, or running into the jungles of Yavin4 on their own. He reached forward again, swapping the piece in his hand for the one in Poe's.

"Yours looked better," he said, shrugging to cover up the tremor in his hand and in his voice. _Their fates entwined_ \- he ignored his heart's fevered pounding, and popped the slice of fruit into his mouth. The sweet, mellow flavor settled over his tongue, and then-

_the earth fell away beneath him and rose up again, and when he found his balance he was standing in a taller, broader body, beneath the same tree, but they were both bigger now, and Poe was reaching out to him, an open grin on his face- he did look a little different, from above, but maybe that was because of the years, too- regardless, he knew how to wink now, and how to use it to his advantage, the shift in his features utterly disarming as he slid into his space like he belonged there, threading his hands through the hair at his nape, gathering it into fists and pulling him down, their lips meeting-_

_parting, at the New Republic Academy, Ben following the path of Luke's footsteps, never looking up, never looking back, sick with fury, but also, burning low, regret-_

_following his every move, tracking his progress- both of them on the heels of Lor San Tekka-_

_and Poe, features glowing blue-white behind a blaster, crackling like the fury of the bolt frozen before him; Poe on his knees in the sand, spitting mad; Ben, reaching out to him, and Poe's face twisting in pain, those two things in sequence the last thing he could ever imagine, and then his scream becoming that of a TIE’s engines, leading and the First Order following-_

_their starships carving paths of light and fury through the same space, salt, the sting of it in his eyes, the taste of it on his tongue, a dying sun, an earth scorched red, the both of them orbiting like satellites around his mother, around each other, twin scars on their cheeks, leaders in their own right- Supreme, General, the First Order, the Resistance-_

"Huh," Poe said, shifting, and the sound flew loose, blowing through him like a blaster’s bolt, jolting him back into his body again, reeling at the knowledge of his own singular, physical presence, and all its limitations, here beneath the Force tree, existing at just one moment in time-

It was _him_ again, Ben told himself, panicked- the dark- the night terrors- Luke told him about visions, false futures, about being wary of what he saw, or, Ben thought, what he was _shown_ \- he breathed, shuddering, and shoved the moment away like he did all the rest- the nightmares, the voices, the fear. He brushed his hair away from his face again, and this time, his hands didn't shake. And Poe- he was sitting still across from him, head cocked to the side a little, but otherwise undisturbed.

"I don't feel any different," Ben whispered, breaking the silence. His mouth worked strangely around the lie.

"Me either," Poe replied, after a moment- but his eyes were closed, and his face was scrunched up tight, like he was still considering it, tasting something blind and trying to discern its flavor. After a moment, it fell away, and he blinked his eyes open, his face spreading into a slow smile. "Hah! I guess that means it was just always supposed to be this way- Poe Dameron and Ben Solo."

Ben swallowed and looked away, his eyes suddenly burning. _Just another nightmare,_ he reminded himself firmly, shoving the thoughts away, _a waking one, but still, that's all-_

"Hey, Ben- you okay, buddy?"

He blinked hard and looked up, meeting Poe's eyes- they were gleaming, intent, his forehead creased with a little line of worry. He bent forward, into Ben's space, and it was so much like what he’d seen, what he'd felt- Poe’s eyes on his, full of love and hatred in turns- that he found himself scrambling backwards, horrified. Hurt bloomed over Poe's face, and Ben reached out to snatch another piece of koyo melon off of Poe's slice, desperate to find equilibrium, to cut the misery off before it could take root. True to form, Poe recovered quickly, swatting at his hands with an outraged ' _hey_!'

"That's 'Ben Solo and Poe Dameron'," Ben returned, waving the stolen slice between them in a flourish and palming it again; he silently thanked Uncle Lando for the flashy trick.

"Yeah, you wish," Poe snorted, hopping lightly to his feet. He squinted up at the last line of light on the horizon, true dusk, then offered his free hand to Ben. "C'mon, dinner's soon. We better get washed up and pretend like we were gonna use this for salad."

Ben nodded tightly and gripped his arm tight at the wrist, letting Poe haul him up. He didn't quite feel like his feet were on solid ground again- that was impossible around Poe, regardless- but he did feel better. Steadier. Like he had a heading, at least. Reality was settling in, warm and thick around his shoulders, and the dread of the moment was passing, the icy fear it brought melting away along with the finer details of what he’d seen. They would disappear soon, he told himself, just like any other bad dream- bothering him only in the dark and fading again by morning’s light. He held onto it, like a mantra, like the Code he knew by heart- it wasn’t, hadn’t, wouldn’t be real.

But this, here, right in front of him- that was real. Poe Dameron was his friend, and they wanted each other around enough to play around at stupid legends, and they were always going to be a part of each other's lives, no matter what, and that was what mattered.

Nothing was going to change that.

**Author's Note:**

> in my defense [screams into the void]
> 
> (sooo I've been revisiting the kingdom hearts series lately and like, how about that paopu fruit legend, huh? [reskins and shoves onto star wars] I'm fine. this is fine.)
> 
> p.s. I wrote this alternating 'too much is never enough' by florence and the machine (thanks for my pretentious lowercase lyric title!!) and also ventus' theme from the kh soundtrack if you want to suffer like I did. k thanks love uuuu


End file.
